Combatting Feelings of Isolation
Men with lupus may feel a bit isolated or lost in a world where all of their fellow patients seem to be women. It can feel pretty lonely at times, especially if you regularly find yourself the only male at support groups (which happens quite often).
Because of this, it is important for men with lupus to reach out to each other.
Because it's relatively rare, it may be difficult to find other men in your area to get together in person. However, you may be able to organize a support group online via Skype or Google Hangouts so you can talk about all of the different ways lupus affects you.
The Trouble With Gender Roles
Although physically there are very few differences between male and female lupus, it is important to remember that the societal implication of being a chronically ill man can be very difficult. In a society where men are typically seen as the provider and protector, this can bring about lots of different issues — especially for younger men who are coming into their own as a person with lupus on top of it.
The expected gender role can lead to self-esteem issues, trouble dating and finding a mate and a general loss of self-confidence. Molly’s Fund says the following about lupus in men:
“In general, men seek medical attention less frequently than women. Traditional male culture promotes the 'suck it up,' 'play through the pain,' or 'pain is weakness,' mentality. This simplifies the belief that men are supposed to be strong and any challenge to that belief goes against more traditional ideas of masculinity.
"The fact is, when someone is truly aware of their body, they can determine the difference between normal pain vs. new and different symptoms. They should then be able to acknowledge the need to seek medical attention.”
Seeking Support
Speaking to other men who are having similar struggles can help you feel less alone and supported. The Lupus Foundation of America offers message boards and has several chapters throughout the United States to help male lupus patients find comfort and exchange experiences.
It's important to ensure you have a strong emotional support system as you navigate their illness. Asking your doctor about the possibility of seeing a therapist is a great idea as well if your insurance covers it/you can afford it.
As mentioned previously, the gender roles and expectations for men can be very difficult to navigate without lupus, but adding that layer on top of it can make it seem almost unbearable. It is important to be able to talk to others who can help you find emotional coping strategies so you don’t let lupus get you down completely.
If you are a man who is seeing changes in your body that mimic the symptoms of lupus, don’t hesitate to your doctor and get a referral to a rheumatologist as soon as possible. You know your body best, and you know if something is off with it. Follow your gut instinct.
