The Need for Support
When you love someone, you are supposed to put their wellbeing on top of your list of priorities. If your loved one does not do this, then what kind of love are you receiving? And most important, are you not seeking medical help when you should be, simply because you don’t wish to upset them or are worried they will be angry with you for being “sick again?”
I have seen it happen with several of my fellow lupies — in order to keep the peace in their relationships, they try to ignore symptoms and do not seek proper medication. Sadly, I have seen it become very dangerous.
Don’t give lupus the upper hand by ignoring symptoms that are warning you something is terribly wrong. You do not want to end up hospitalized with organs failing, when perhaps preventative treatment may have made all the difference in your battle.
As difficult it is to stand up for yourself in this situation, I am hoping that you find the courage to do so. Borrow mine if you have to. Send me a message and I will respond and talk you through this difficult journey. I have been there and after leaving I discovered I was not the worthless shell of a human being that I was led to believe I was.
You are not alone, even though it feels like you are.
Why It’s So Hard to Leave
Feeling Powerless
With lupus, it is easy to begin to lose your sense of power over your life. It is hard to maintain self-confidence when you feel like half the person you should be.
If the person who “loves” you backs up these feelings by putting you down or not supporting you in this battle, you may find you are in relationship quicksand. You stay where you are because you fear what struggling to get out might do to you, or that you are not strong enough to survive the process of extricating yourself.
What Happens After
Lupus can also make you feel unlovable. Maybe you have gained weight, maybe you feel that you appear lazy (because you have been told you are), or perhaps you just can’t imagine ever starting over with another relationship — I mean, you are always sick and your hair is falling out, that’s super sexy right?
Basically, nobody with lupus wants to go through this challenging life alone, so you rationalize that what you have is better than being alone.
Health Insurance and Medical Costs
This was huge for me. Until I found a position that offered good health care coverage, I did not leave. I urge you to seek whatever method you can, so that this is not a reason you choose to stay.
Stay for hope, or because the good far outweighs the bad, but do not stay for health care. Find a way.
I thought twice before writing this (OK, maybe four or five times), but I feel my journey happened for a reason. If you ignore your own health because of lack of support and love from someone you should be able to count on, then I hope my words reach you, touch your heart and help you find your courage to expect more.
Ten years later, I can tell you more does exist. My wish for you is that you seek it.
