I had to learn to trust my doctors. I had to learn to be understanding of people and their reactions to me - everything from
I started to feel lousy and thought that since my mother-in law was in the hospital, I had maybe come into contact with something there. The next day I didn't go to work, had a slight fever, a cough, and couldn't breathe very well. By that late afternoon, I was huddled over trying to breathe and was hyperventilating.
Up until two years ago, I would look back at my life and think about everything my body had endured over the years. I use to be able to justify to myself where my aches and pains were coming from, and it seemed logical that everything was self-imposed.
One major life change that I needed to make was learning to slow down. I used to work multiple jobs and attend school full-time. I rarely ever slept an eight hour night. I was constantly on the go, always attempting to get as many things as I could possibly get done in the day.
I try to focus my attention on others and writing poetry so that everyone I love and appreciate have plenty of memories to share about me when I'm gone. Love is what keeps us all fighting.
I then became an elementary teacher who went right home from work, to bed or the couch. I did not think much of it due to the mentally and physically demanding job and other teachers complaining about feeling the same way.
Courage is facing adversity and fear and continuing on your journey regardless. As I face each day with Lupus, I try and remember that there are so many others who suffer far worse than myself.